The Backstory - 3 sessions instead of 15…

Early on in my play consultancy, I was still offering a form of attachment play therapy. However, I distinctly remember a conversation with a single parent over the phone. I explained that I could work with her son, but it would likely take a minimum of 15 sessions. Alternatively, I could give her the tools to work with her son directly, with me guiding her along the way.

She chose to work with me instead of sending her son to therapy.

She attended her first session and shared how her son was having regular angry outbursts and lashing out at her and others at school. Having separated from her partner a year earlier, she was at a loss as to what could have triggered his behaviour.

As we conversed, it became clear that her current stress levels and the overwhelming need to 'keep it together'—even when feeling helpless and hopeless—were significant factors. She was ashamed and embarrassed by his behavior and feared that she was failing as a mother.

We delved deeper, and I suggested some therapeutic games that would help her child regain a sense of control and self-esteem, which were lacking in other areas of their life. I spent a few minutes modeling various reactions and responses using my large cuddly toy, questioning the necessity for so many boundaries that only led to further conflict. We also took time to examine her own triggers, heightening her awareness of how past experiences were shaping her present.

"Let's aim for peaceful, flexible connections," I proposed.

Our goal was to transition from a task-driven, conduct-focused, anxiety-inducing lifestyle to one centered on playful connections. With anticipation, I awaited the next session.

She returned two weeks later, visibly happier. She had begun incorporating playtime before bed, focusing less on how energetic or messy the play was and more on being an accepting presence, allowing for adventure, release, exploration, and joining in when she felt able to. 

She described scenarios where they had become very upset, and together, we developed new strategies to help them feel safer and calmer. 

By the second session, she noticed significant improvements in behaviour and an increase in quality time together spent playing rather than in conflict.

In our third session, she excitedly recounted how she had modified one of the games with great success. She also shared an incident at the fair where her child began to feel agitated, but she effectively used distraction and play to soothe them. There was a significant decrease in her child's angry outbursts, and the school also reported dramatic improvements.

By the end of our sessions, she felt she had regained her playfulness and creativity, tailoring the original games to fit their lifestyle better. She now had the necessary tools to continue on her parenting journey confidently and independently.

This experience confirmed to me that I had not only saved the mother hundreds in therapy costs but had also helped her grow in confidence and empowerment. She had the tools and a tailored approach to meet her son's unique needs, instead of relying on generic advice from the internet. They now had a model and philosophy to guide them as they grew in connection and understanding.

I later piloted the model with children in crisis, whether displaced by war or with parents on the brink of seeking intervention from children's services due to extreme behavior. Just a few sessions of play-based intervention with an attuned adult can make noticeable changes in behavior and interaction between parent and child, setting them on a path to healing.

Another case in point involved a family unable to engage with social services because of their child's violent outbursts, which frequently led to them calling the police. 

After I explained the PAUSE, PLAY, CONNECT® model to the father, he was inspired to dedicate quality time to play with his tween. A few more coaching calls later, stories of fun and connection emerged. 

The father felt more competent, the violent outbursts ceased, and the police were no longer a presence in their lives. This family, too, was on their way to wholeness and healing.

Working with these families, I witnessed the power of engagement through play, not just for the children, but for the parents who rediscovered their own sense of joy and creativity. Each session was a step toward transformation, proving that play is not just a pastime, but a pathway to profound healing and connection.

Parents need to be given permission to play again and see the value of play.

This is part of my mission.